Being a Fool About It
On persistence, self-sabotage, and starting over.
I. Persistence
The other morning I woke up with a familiar saying stuck in my head: “If at first you don’t succeed, try, try again.” It’s a phrase I’ve heard a million times, the kind that loses its power and means almost nothing the more it is repeated. But for days I had been ruminating on the idea of persistence, and how important a trait it has been throughout my life, which is why I think the phrase probably took up residence with all the other noise in my head.
The origin of this line is open to debate, but it is most often attributed to a poem by writer William Edward Hickson, which appeared in his book The Singing Master (1836), and contains the lines:
‘Tis a lesson you should heed—
Try again;
If at first you don’t succeed,
Try again.
I went down this rabbit hole because I was thinking of persistence and this proverb in relation to this newsletter. Last year, when I left my art museum job of ten years to start an independent editorial practice, I had also planned to write a weekly newsletter (i.e., the newsletter you are currently reading). But it turns out running your own business is a lot of work that requires long days and weird hours, and I wasn’t able to dedicate the time to Homesick that I had originally planned. So after sending out a half dozen newsletters last year, I decided to pause billing and stop publishing until I could establish a better schedule and give more time to the project.
That pause lasted seven months. And while my published output ground to a halt, it wasn’t for lack of trying. I wrote and wrote and wrote and wrote. Being persistent has always been one of my greatest strengths. Whatever I lack in intelligence or talent, I make up for by sheer force of will. This newsletter is no exception.
Sixty-seven drafts. That’s the number of partially written newsletters in my Substack queue. That means if I had finished writing those pieces, and properly published them, I would have well exceeded my goal of fifty-two newsletters in 2024. It also means I would have started 2025 with a strong archive to build on. Instead, it is the second week of February, and I am firing this newsletter machine up to make sure everything still works.
II. Self-Sabotage
Before learning that William Edward Hickson most likely coined the “Try Again” proverb, my research informed me that misanthropic barfly W.C. Fields may have in fact been the author. Legend has it that, during a commencement address at a public school, Fields doled out a surlier take on Hickson’s optimistic verse:
If at first you don't succeed, try, try again. Then quit. There's no point in being a damn fool about it.
Of course, I like Fields’ version better. But that’s probably because it better aligns with my tendency to self-sabotage. “Being a fool about it” is almost too perfect a way to describe the negative self-talk of my inner critic. I am my own worst enemy—a saboteur convinced that I produce nothing of value. But I know that isn’t true, particularly as it relates to my writing. I just need to remember that.
III. Starting Over
I’ve hit the reset button on this newsletter. In an effort to limit mental blocks while encouraging experimentation, I had to. Which is just to say, I’ve removed the editorial framework of place, identity, and home because it just wasn’t helping me. If you visit the About page, you’ll see that I’ve expanded the scope of the newsletter to be more reflective of my many interests as a writer. I will still be publishing shortform and longform writing, as well as interviews, but I’m also interested in writing reviews, curating reading lists, and compiling resource posts to help offset the fear, chaos, and confusion of our current political moment.
IV. Subscriber Update
Thank you all for your early support of the newsletter, and for sticking around. Billing will remain paused for all of February, but will resume a month from today on Sunday, March 9. If you would like to opt out, I totally understand. Otherwise, I’m looking forward to sharing a host of new stories in the weeks and months ahead.